Just Another Mission- Chap 5

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Just Another Mission 3.5
Jak’s POV
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The second the door opened wide enough to let me through, I ran in. My eyes protested at the light change, then welcomed the oily yellow glow from the lamp over the table.

After all, it's much better than sunlight.

It doesn't hurt so much.

"Where is he?!"

The figures at the table started, surprised expressions swimming into focus- I'm still so tired, but not enough to where I cant stay upright. I can still stand.

...Right?

I glared at them, at Keira, at Samos, not stopping to wonder what Keira was doing there. I tried to move into the light but stumbled, bracing myself on a barrack bedpost.

"You... heard me! Where is he?!"

"Where's who, Jak?" Keira stood up from the edge of the worn table, green eyes flashing, moving as if to come over to me-

"Whoever he is, he'll have to wait, you little bastard!" Hands pushed me, hard, sending my head flying into a bunk-pole. Red exploded in my faltering vision, making me sick as I yelled, furious at the pain. I'm gonna make them pay, not using my gun, only with my fists-

"Where in hell WERE YOU?!" -which were quickly caught and painfully twisted as a rough voice grated in my ear. I struggled sporadically for a few seconds, trying to throw him off, slowly ceasing as the hands only tightened their grip. Keira gasped softly behind me as I growled, realizing who it was. But how I managed to answer him through all the red, I have no idea.

"If I had a clue what you were talking about, Torn, I might be a little quicker to answer!" I snapped, thrashing against his hands- I had to get into our room, to see him on my bed, polishing his goggles with the sheets even though I've always told him not to-

"The FIGHT, you idiot!" Torn yelled, shoving me so hard I bounced off the wall, a loud crack that I'm positive everyone in the world heard echoing in my head. Red blossomed once more, the most beautiful shade of crimson I'd ever seen. I gasped brokenly, trying to fight the urge to just fall and be done with it. But with all things, the pain faltered and broke, and I turned, slowly, realizing Torn had released my hands.

I held them carefully to my face, making sure that I wasn't somehow covered in blood. So... so much red... I ran my fingers over my forehead, only feeling a few cuts, shrapnel scratches. Finding no bleeding gash, I fixed Torn with what I hoped was a menacing glare. But I'm so tired... I swallowed a few times and finally managed to form words.

"The fight?"

"Yes, the fight, Jak. The fight that you were supposed to back us up in, you TRAITOR!" He snarled, moving towards me, too fast, I couldn't move away- grabbing me, shaking me, pain shooting through my skull as he struck the side of my face, blow after blow, metal guards biting down hard into my skin as I was slammed against the wall-

"Stop it! STOP IT!" It was Keira. She'd grabbed hold of Torn's arm and was practically begging him to stop. I don't need her help but...

Okay, yeah, please stop...

Stars winked in front my eyes, a throbbing pain running circles through my head as I clung to the bedpost, wiping the blood from the cuts I knew were on my face. Torn stopped trying to throw Keira off of him- I met his livid stare with one of my own before I turned around and headed for the door.

"WHAT?! That's IT, you're just going to walk away?! Listen Jak- do you know how many lives were at risk when you failed to show up?" He hissed, moving towards me again. "Do you know how many almost DIED?"

Died? I faltered, keeping my eyes on the floor.

After all, people scraped by death every day.

The room was motionless, lifeless as Torn lowered his fists.

"Do you know how many did?"

I stopped walking, staring blankly as the firelight cast dancing orange ribbons on my boots, watching as it flickered and died, only to come back stronger.

Just like the silence.

The only sound in the room was the cracking of wood as the fire consumed it, breaking it into white-hot embers. I clenched my fists and tried not to choke, tried to fight the hollow that had suddenly formed in my chest- the fight. The one that I was heading to before Daxter...

"I.. I..."

"I'll tell you how many." Torn's voice was dangerously low. "NONE." I looked up suspiciously and met with his narrowed blue eyes.

"It could have been so much worse, Jak. So much. And if anyone had died?" He drew closer, breath warming my cheek. "It would have been all. Your. Fault." I flinched as he grabbed my sleeves, jerking me. His face was riddled with deep disgust.

"I do not take insubordination lightly, Jak. You put the entire squad at risk, and for what?" For WHAT?! I snapped out of it. Whatever kind of abuse-taking, shell-like trance I was in before, I was most certainly out of it. FOR WHAT? I started, furiously, to hiss exactly WHAT, exactly what had happened when my best friend in the world took off after he... after he did ...THAT, when he ran and I lost him and he's STILL gone, but Torn's glare seemed to slice my throat open, leaving me wordless as everything that was dying to be said disappeared. He gave me another firm shake.

"This will NOT be tolerated next time. Next time, Jak, there won't be a traitor left to be forgiven for ANYTHING." He whispered gratingly, my eyes glued to his hand, which came to rest briefly and pointedly on his dagger. He was completely serious. ...I guess I still should have explained. But he just wouldn't care.

And there's a lot of things in life I don't do.

With a cold glare he gave me one final push, just to make his point, before turning and stalking out the door.

Clkclkclk.

Do my boots make that much noise?

CHKCHKCHAK.

A few moments later a trademark slam echoed around the cramped headquarters, it's gradual disappearance leaving the room silent and empty. I almost jumped when a warm hand was slipped in mine. Keira. I continued to stare at the door, ignoring her eyes, which were gazing warm, irritatingly concerned holes into my head.

Everything concerning her at the moment was stiflingly warm. If she would just... go away... I tried not to fidget as she leaned gently, ever so cautiously, into me.

Careful. Wary. Like she's testing me.

Like I'd hurt her or something.

... Is... is she really afraid of me?

"Why are you here?" I asked softly, the sound of my own harassed voice registering with faint surprise in my mind. I must've really worn my throat out earlier... I felt Keira shake her head.

"Um. Torn needed some help with a special, um, zoomer design. Something that can be fast, but... take a lot of hits." Hmm. Interesting. So that's what they were doing with that zoomer that was always hung up in the corner? Hmm. I nodded.

I let her words fly past me. They made me forget.

...About what, though? I get the feeling I'm supposed to be doing something else.

"Jak... where were you?" Her voice was so gentle... and then I remembered, like a frigid, biting slap to the face.

Daxter.

It all came flying back- the search, the zoomer, the fire, the crash, the fight, the red...

The cold.

"It doesn't matter- where is he?" I demanded, taking my hand from hers to grip her tightly by the shoulders. I know it's just nerves, and she does too (doesn't she?) and I cant help it, but she looked up at me, startled anyways, almost... almost scared. I winced inwardly as her wide green eyes flickered around, almost franticly, for her father, just in case...

In case of... what?

"Jak!" She twisted underneath my hands. "Where is who?"

"Daxter. Daxter, my best friend." I bit off the words slowly. I don't know why I'm so nervous, she's going to look at me and tell me 'Oh, he's in the back. He's been waiting for you, where were you again?' and then I'll go in there and throttle him until he screams uncle, she just needs to say it, and say it now-

"You mean he's not with you?" She asked softly, trying not to flinch away and failing miserably.

Another pop from the fire.

My heart stopped beating.

"You mean ... he's... not here?" It was hard to keep my voice from breaking. He's supposed to be here. He's supposed to come right back home, no matter what... That's our rule...

That's our rule!

"No. I... haven't seen him since this morning. He was with you, wasn't he?"

The gunfight.
He ran right into it- Torn said no one got killed.

"Jak?"

Sometimes people don't notice the little things.

Breaking away from her, I ran across the room and tried to keep the heat down, tried to keep it from burning me as I fumbled with the doorknob. It slid around magnificently in my sweat-soaked gloves, but I had to check, I had to-

"DAX?!" I called, finally throwing open the door to the bedroom- it was empty. I stared blankly at the perfect, tattered bed-sheets, all smoothed and tucked in at the corners. Keira had fixed it up for us. She does that occasionally. Dax would have never left it alone like this.

He hasn't been here. He ISN'T here.

Which means he's still out there.

I slammed the door shut, ignoring the eyes following my every move, and went straight for the underground entrance-

"Jak?" I froze, inches from the activation switch. My fingers itched to slam down on it, to have it make a noise, maybe even break, but I stayed still. Why did she want to stop me? WHY? I clenched my eyes shut- I need to get out here, no matter what she says.

Life comes up with things that surprise you. I knew she was going to try to stop me, but I was expecting ANYTHING but what came next.

"Its alright." I dropped my hand.

"What?" I demanded, turning to face her. Looking up at me, her eyes were sad, but clear.

"I said it's alright."

"And what do you mean by that?"
...
"Were you about to go out there again?"

"Yes."

"To go find Daxter?"

"KEIRA!"

"I'm sorry, Jak, but...what I'm trying to say is... He'll be okay." She slipped her small hand into my own again. I couldn't feel her skin through my gloves.

I don't know if I want to.

"He made it on the streets for two years before he found you. He'll be fine." She smiled up at me.

She actually smiled.

Something filled my chest. It was uncomfortably warm, smothering, just like her, but different. Something that spelled out that whatever had just happened wasn't supposed to. It was wrong. Totally wrong.

Betrayal.

"You don't care, do you?" Her smile dropped.

"No, Jak, I do, don't think-"

"You really don't care! He could be dead, out there in the streets somewhere, and here you are telling me he's fine!" I lose myself, hearing my voice rise and not caring. "How can you say that?!" I'm starting to yell. Why cant she understand?!

WHY?

She looked at me, reluctantly. She was about to cry. ...I hate it when she cries.

I hate it when I make her cry.

I stopped, I stopped yelling, I just...stopped. I want to say I'm sorry, but I can't.

I don't think she'd listen.

I half-turned, intent on ignoring her, then started to think that, maybe, it would still be a good idea to explain, to say what happened... and then I realized she wasn't looking at me anymore.

"Never mind Jak. You do what you want."

I will. She started to walk away, then turned back.

"What are you going to do?" I looked at her. Just... looked. She's beautiful. Everything about her screams 'perfect'. Everything I could ever want, right there. Everything I could ever want... crying. I turned away.

How can she be so perfect for me if I make her cry?

It's like a twisted fairytale.

The beautiful princess and the dashing prince are made for one another.
Everyone knows they're deeply in love, even if they won't admit it.

It's a fact.

But no one ever listens to the prince... Especially when he has something to say.

They only listen to the silence. To what ISNT said.

I shook my head.

"I'm going to wait for him."

"...All night?"

"If I have to."

"Okay." A slight pause. "Its late." That was all she said. Then she left. Brushed past me, didn't listen to me.

She didn't listen. ...

Or maybe that's because I wasn't saying anything?
...
CHKCHKCHAK.

Samos was gone too. Guess he left with her.

...I'm alone.

Torn wouldn't be back for the night. I'm never sure where he goes, but when he leaves, he's gone for a day. I walked over and grabbed the blanket from my bed, pulling the perfect form apart, hearing something rip and not caring. I sat down at the table, and fixed myself so that I could look at the entrance to the underground anywhere I leaned.

Or fell.

I'm... so tired. But I know I can't sleep. Not until I see him. Not until he follows the rules for the first time in his damn life and comes home.

Not until I know he's alive.

... I looked absently at the blanket wrapped around myself. Why did I bring it? Its too thick. I started to pull it off before the fire sputtered in the grate and I jerked around. The embers sparked feebly, trying to return to their former glory from the ashes. Yeah- the fire's gonna go out in a little bit. I'll need the blanket then. Good thinking, I guess.

...But that's just sorta how life is.

Just when the burning, searing fire goes away, the cold comes, and you realize how much better the heat is.

How much better it is to feel pain than to feel nothing.

How much better it is than silence. How much better it is than emptiness.

I dabbed slowly at the cuts on my face, the edge of the blanket coming back red, time after time.

The stinging had stopped.


It's silent again.

... I wonder what time it is?
.....
Ah, yes.


'Late.'